if you love me, let me go
by sleepless-royalty
Summary: Her smiles will forever reflect the emptiness of her heart, his eyes will be perpetually sorrow, and she will never again look in the mirror without seeing the blood that she spilled. - juvia&gray&erza. (title from a panic! at the disco song). T for my paranoia.
1. liquid smile

**_"Her smiles will forever reflect the emptiness of her heart, his eyes will be perpetually sorrow, and she will never again look in the mirror without seeing the blood that she spilled. - juvia &gray&erza"_**

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 **Liquid Smile**

It had never been her.

The shock came full force, despite finding out years before. She choked out a whimper, quick to cover it with a cough and an apologetic smile in Lucy's direction at the girl's concerned gaze. A smile tugged at her lips, stretching at the corners and crinkling near the corners of her eyes. As practiced as the former heiress was in giving out her own fake smiles, she was none the wiser of the other girl's plight and carried on in chatting with Mira.

She coughed out a, "sick," before she could burst into uncontrollable sobs, and quickly scurried out of the guild hall - far too colorful and loud to soothe her gloomy mood.

Never minding the ruckus she made as she stumbled into her room in Fairy Hills, she fell on the bed, tears - silent for a change - racing down her cheeks. And she felt selfish, so incredibly _selfish_ , because she had been given a home, and friends, and a family. She could not possibly ask for more, but she couldn't help it.

He was her everything, her reason, her light, her love - her endless blue skies. She gave

him her heart and soul, thinking he would help her soar, only to crash and burn at the adoring look she saw him give one of her closest friends.

His _best_ friend.

Cringing at the thought, she was suddenly aware of the tear stains appearing and her dry throat.

"Juvia is pathetic," she rasped. "That's probably why Gray-sa - Gray-san will not love Juvia."

She shook her head, laughing bitterly at the idea, and moved through her room, cluttered with ripped plushies and poster residue still stuck to the walls. She practically threw herself on the sink, slowly looking up to glance at her reflection. Her knuckles were white, and her breathing ragged.

Her eyes met her reflection.

But she didn't see herself.

Her vibrant blue hair was limp and pale, knots covering every inch of the cerulean mop. Her hazel brown eyes were bloodshot and puffy, rimmed with red and smudged mascara. Her skin was paler than usual, and she swore she could see her ribs from how little she had eaten. How hadn't her friends noticed? Juvia must have been a better actress than she had originally thought.

"Erza-san is beautiful and strong," she muttered bitingly. "Juvia is nothing."

But she smiled, and wished she could believe herself as easily as everyone else seemed to.

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 **This will be a three-shot. Here are the possible updating schedules: today, tomorrow, then Sunday. Or once a week, haha. Vote in the reviews, and constructive criticism is welcome!**


	2. icy eyes

_**"Her smiles will forever reflect the emptiness of her heart, his eyes will be perpetually sorrow, and she will never again look in the mirror without seeing the blood that she spilled. - juvia &gray&erza"**_

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 **Icy Eyes**

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It had never been him.

He knew that. He'd known that. He has always known that.

It had never been about him - the brooding dark haired teammate and hopefully best friend. It was always about him - the one who refused to be there. The one with the gentle smile and dark past. The one with the flowery words and history.

But didn't he have history as well? Perhaps it was because he never hurt her. He was too gentle, too distanced. Too complacent, too detached.

Maybe he was just cocky, thinking he could one-up their childhood love story and shared rough past with only a few words of comfort and hands on her shoulders. But as seconds tick by and minutes passed, maybe her found himself growing fonder of her scarlet tresses, and fell too hard and fell too fast and only noticed when he reached rock bottom.

The dust clouded his visions with far-fetched fantasies and too-high hopes and - _was this what Juvia had felt?_ It tinted his vision and invaded his mind, and soon he was flying on wings of red roses only to fall flat on his face when they wilted and decomposed.

The dust settled.

And his high fell with the roses.

Then all her could see was the blood on her hands, scarlet as her hair, as she lay on the ground, crouching over _his_ corpse and crying. Crying because she loved _him_. Crying because she killed _him_.

"I love him, I love him, I love him, I loved him."

She repeated it like a mantra, over and over until his ears bled and his heart was screaming and he squatted by her side, throwing her knife somewhere far, far away. He held her close, pressing a kiss to her forehead and whispering sweet nothings, cradling her unfeeling arms. He was dying inside, his soul was being ripped from his body and leaving nothing but gushing blood and a pounding heart.

"I killed him."

And Gray wanted to laugh, laugh because he couldn't help but think that _he_ deserved it. He who hurt her time and time again. He who would always look back, but never stay. He who never told her he loved her, but had her heart anyways.

However, Gray was not cruel, nor would he hurt his dearest friend - oh, how he wished she was more than a friend - so he merely brushed her scarlet hair back, and looked straight into her mocha eyes.

"You did what you had to do."

And she cried, and he stayed, both nursing shattered hearts and melancholic " _what if_ "s and sorrow to last a million lifetimes.

And, as Gray stared at his reflection in the water, on the bridge where she had told him to give Juvia an _actual_ answer, he wondered if he would ever look truly happy again.

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 **I guess nobody's interested. ;-;**


	3. scarlet regret

_**"Her smiles will forever reflect the emptiness of her heart, his eyes will be perpetually sorrow, and she will never again look in the mirror without seeing the blood that she spilled. - juvia &gray&erza"**_

 **Scarlet Regret**

"I refuse to wait any longer for you."

The blank expression on his face was enough for her to understand. He was willing to give her up. Willing to let her walk away, out of his sight, out of his life - _forever_. But she didn't want that, she wanted him to grab her hands and hold her close and kiss her soundly, until her breath was stolen from her and Mira and Lucy were giggling in the background.

She wanted to run her fingers through his azure hair, and kiss the crimson mark over his right eye. She wanted him to pull her into his chest and wrap his arms around her waist as she cried into his broad shoulders because she was just so, so happy.

And when she turned away, tears silently dripping from her chin and marking her trail, he stood there, gazing at her back, waiting before he was gone with a mere swish of his cloak.

She remembered falling to her knees, covering her mouth to muffle her sobs.

"I love you, _stupid_ ," she lamented. "Why can't you see that?"

She remembered Mirajane running out, clutching her like she wished Jellal had, singing to her and brushing her fingers through her scarlet hair.

 _"Strong women cry," the albino-haired woman had whispered. "It happens to the best of us."_

She recalled Lucy, shooing off the spectators and smiling emphatically at her, winking and mouthing " _you deserve better_."

But the pain then was nothing compared to the pain now.

Seeing him on the ground, writhing in soundless pain, his mouth agape and his eyes popping out of his sockets, was horrifying. All she could do was stare dumbly at his bloodstained clothes and hair, the wound wide and gaping, going straight through his torso with a clear view of the bloodied ground.

"E-erza," he rasped, his breath leaving him in all the wrong ways. "P-please."

She understood instantly, no elaborating necessary.

"No," she stated firmly. "No! Who did this to you? How could they? Why didn't you call for me?"

Crystalline tears pooled in Jellal's eyes, "You were done waiting."

Erza choked on a wail, "You idiot! You are still my friend!" _Friend_. "Who did this?"

"Please," he begged. "I love you."

"If you truly loved me, you wouldn't ask me to do this," Erza chuckled darkly. "Who did this? They will pay, I promise you."

He was silent, save for his groans of pain permeating the air. Erza wiped her tears, knowing there was no one else nearby. Her comrades trusted her far too much. Too much for her liking. She wasn't the strong, immortal warrior they perceived her to be, she was just as human as the rest of them.

"Fine," she sobbed.

And so she brought down the sword, and watched as the light faded from his eyes.

"I'm glad it was you."

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 **I'm so thankful to those who reviewed! :D Especially Princess of Woe. When I saw your review, it really brightened up my otherwise average day!**

 **Yes, this is my last chapter. I have attempted to write a fourth chapter, but it just didn't fit. I kind of felt as though it would cheapen the whole story, and I kind of like having this open ending. I hope you guys understand why I put this into this order, right? Juvia sees everything, she knows everything but she doesn't really explain everything. Gray knows a little less, but not show's what's happening on his end. Erza knows nothing, except that she killed Jellal. THis is a sucky explanation, but yeah. And Divinion, there is a lot of assuming because it's sort of the character's "perspective" except in the third person because I do _not_ know how to write Juvia in first person haha. I feel like the answers are all slowly revealed?**

 **No, I do not know why Jellal was killed. This was simply a plot bunny and angst practice (I failed tbh). (I wanted to write heartbreak instead of love for a change.) I hope you all enjoyed anyways!**

 **I was so happy to see all of the reviews I just updated...early. I was planning to update next week. Oh welp, close enough.**

 **Kisses,**

 **Miya~**

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 **Review Corner :3**

 **Princess of Woe:** Thank you so much! And here is the finale :,)

 **Kiwi Cx:** Thank you! And yes, she doesn't. I love her character. And I'm glad to hear my angst practice worked a little, haha.

 **Divinion:** I kind of already responded to your review, but hey, you get two mentions. xD I'm glad you like this! And yes you're making sense X3

 **:** Yeah... I don't actually ship GrUvia as anything other than a friendship, so you probably won't get any of that out of me unless I'm feeling adventurous sorry, haha. And thanks so much! I'm glad y ou enjoyed it despite it not being what you were expecting.

 **claudiacorvo:** Oh, thank you! I understand the too lazy to write a review thing, haha. Sometimes I can't just think of what to say. Nasty habit I should try to fix, to be honest. And thanks for waiting! Here it is! XD

 **Guest:** Yep, this is the last chapter. And thank you so much! I'm so happy to hear that you enjoy my stories!


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